I am sat here at half twelve at night with a bottle of Shiraz, a funky smelling candle I pinched off my mother and ‘500 Days Of Summer’ on in the background. But it isn’t that film that is playing on my mind. Yes, I like rom coms a little too much for a male. Perhaps it’s because I can be a little sordid to strangers but deep down I like the fact that the Hollywood schmucks lead you to think that you can find true love or it will all work out eventually.
Anyway, the film that is playing on my mind this evening is the ‘The Awkward Moment’. In one of it’s opening parts it goes on about ‘the so…’. Nothing ever good comes from ‘the so…’. And it’s right! Nothing, nothing at all good at all comes from ‘the so…’, especially when it comes from a woman. I, of all people can relate to this.
Noooo! Not because I am like Zac Efron in the film and get to bed countless amazing women; far from it! I say it because it happens to me with only the girls that I actually like. It is like a thing where I cannot react. I cannot get out the powerpoint presentation and hand out the flyers to show the rest of my life and the possibilities that it holds.
This time was different though. It had been on the cards for a while now. I met this girl and we kind of fell into some sort of fling with. We were drawn to each other without expecting it. We fought the feelings, kept coming back to each other and pushed each other to grow and become better people. But the ‘the so…’ has always been sat in the background.
With her going away travelling, ‘the so…’, was never really, ‘is this going to get serious or not?’, but more of a, ‘so, how can we prevent getting too involved before we have to part?’. And for most of the time, it was put behind us. It was fantastic. Never had I been more at peace than when I was with this girl. For the first time in my life, it was like nothing really mattered, but at the same time it felt like everything did.
It made me want to succeed. She was the fuel to my fire, and it could see what I could do. Likewise with her, I could get inside her head and give her the confidence to do things. But perhaps that was all we were meant to do. Just cross one another’s paths and get each other going again – both stuck in ruts, now both with visions to clearer paths.
But, as everything good, it has to come to an end. It was always a fling and that is how it is to remain. Maybe in three months, when she is back from travelling, our paths may cross again and we will find out if there ever was something more there.
You can’t hold on to that though. You have to move forward and leave it to chance. Just remember to never forget what made you fall for this girl and how it gave you the motivation to want more again.
So, what have I learnt? If it is not meant to be, it is not meant to be. But as she walks off into the distance, I regret nothing and I couldn’t be happier to of known her.