Indecision

Indecision or not wanting to put myself out there encase I have to deal with the rejection? Who knows? This question pops up in my head more often than not.

See with indecision, I see that as the decision. The inability to take that leap is ultimately telling you that it is the wrong decision.

But I feel myself contradicting my thoughts. I feel that revert back to my travelling days. The days where I was prepared to take that leap of faith. The ‘f*ck it’ attitude. The jesus christ this is terrifying but my god I feel amazing attitude! – please excuse the blasphemy.

I miss the feeling of my face aching as my smile is stretched across my face. The total unknown of riding off into the mountains alone on my motorbike. The experiences unravelling as I take one windy road after another consuming all photo worthy gems my bright brown eyes can feast on.

I found that feeling again! I didn’t realise it, but it had been a while since somebody opened up that side of me. The side I am so reluctant to expose.

But…

This is where the dealing with rejection part comes in. What if I stop being stubborn and lay my cards on the table? What if she says; ‘no, you’re too late?’

Perhaps my indecision is down to the fact I do not want to deal with the thought of being rejected.

I should just call her out of the blue and tell her she has the most beautiful mind I have ever got the pleasure of exploring. I should tell her if that is the worst of her, then I cannot wait to see the best of her. I should tell her I would never get bored of the mysterious feeling she gives me.

Or I should wait until one day we cross paths again. Barely recognising one another we lock eyes and I smile as I know my journey is complete and we were destined to meet.

 

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