It’s odd really. I didn’t expect to hear from her a little over a month ago, it caught me off guard.

I was at a house party in London when my phone buzzed. It was her – dropping me a link to another book to check out. I was drunk and a little in shock that she had messaged me considering she didn’t want to speak to me again. We exchanged a few more messages me about what we have been reading and I awoke to another message saying it was nice to catch up and to enjoy the rest of my day.

I never followed up with her after that. I respect her too much to play games and to chase her. What is the point in chasing somebody who has told you not to bother with them anymore.

Fast forward to the start of the bank holiday a couple of weeks ago. I was out with the work lot for one of my colleagues birthday. I am not going to lie, I was quite inebriated. When I went to check my messages I had noticed she had added me again. Little did I know, my sluggish fingers were compromised by the alcohol and had accidentally began to dial her number. Of course I did the natural thing and hung up and proceeded to wander home.

I woke up to a missed call from her and a message making sure I was okay. I apologised for the mistake, accepting responsibility for the ‘pocket dial’. We exchanged messages that day, before again she cut me off and said it was a lovely to catch up and closed off the conversation.

Which leads me to my nagging thoughts of late. I do not know why, but whenever something good happens, she is still the first person I want to tell.

I want her to feed my soul with her thoughts. I long for her eyes to devour me. Each glance she sends in my direction stripping me of another piece of armour. Each word drawing my focus more and more.

I admit, I did message her at the start of the week wishing her good luck in her new job. I knew she wouldn’t reply, and I don’t blame her. I just hope that whomever ends up having the pleasure being in her company appreciates how lucky they are.


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